The first step is to penetrate the clouds of deceit and distortion and learn the truth about the world,
then to organize and act to change it. That's never been impossible and never been easy. ~Noam Chomsky

Friday, October 25, 2013

Adoption Truth Part V: Eyes Wide Open

Last January I knew something was wrong. It's that prickly hair on the back of your neck feeling.
Food turning to dust in our mouths.
Waking up at 3am feeling intense dread, darkness, anxiety, nightmares.
J and I were both having these symptoms of fear.

It began with an email from our American adoption facilitator, who we rarely heard from, stating that our 17 month old son AJ might have cholera. And it escalated with the sudden onset of communication with other families experiencing the same fear and lack of health care follow up from the agency. Then it went a notch higher when these families shared with us "stories" that this woman had been telling people about us since April 2012.

The lies that had been told to us and about us were unraveling and we began to feel sickened.

I cannot describe to you the concern it produces in a parent to find out that not only is your son possibly sick with a life threatening illness but your adoption facilitator who is wholly responsible for his care has been lying about your family to the people around her. In my paradigm, if you lie about small things you are probably capable of lying about big things.

We had been in the adoption process since March of the previous year. And had determined to not let the adoption waiting impact our family. We had kept up with the happenings on our agency's closed group for adoptive families. And we rejoiced when there was movement in our adoption, despite that fact that it sometimes seemed contradictory.

Then came the cholera.
AJ was referred to us with an immune disorder. And children with this immune disorder are particularly susceptible to secondary infection and disease.
On top of the disorder and cholera, we had been told that since June AJ had been pulling his hair out.

We tried frantically to get ahold of the facilitator. We asked her by email again to move him to foster care where he could get better medical access (she had denied this request the previous summer while simultaneously telling us that the clinic in the area was closing and she was worried about his health.) We set up multiple appointments to talk by phone. She had changed her number and wouldn't respond to requests for her new number. We tried to get ahold of her through her assistant. Nothing worked. In front of other families on the agency group she would say she was looking forward to talking to us on a specific day and then would not call or respond to emails that day.

And then we learned about a healthy child's death.
This was not the first time a child had died at the Giving Hope Rescue Mission creche.

J and I began making calls and googling to find out exactly who we were working with and how experienced this adoption program was. We began to seek out people we had previously been told were "crazy" to find out their experiences with the American adoption facilitator.

What we found was so at odds with what we had been told, in writing, that I lay in my bed and just cried and cried and cried.

We knew that we needed to go to Haiti to search for some answers.

To be continued...

Sara Groves:

oh I'm gonna find the truth
even if it kills me
oh I gotta get a new view
the only way I know to
oh I gotta keep my eyes wide open
keep my eyes wide open

diggin in the dirt till it hurts
won't come up for air don't care
how long it takes me

I get tired want to just get by can't I get by
but I can't cuz there's a
fire in my bones, fire in my bones
burnin in my bones

when the lights come up on this town
when the thing goes down wanna be found
when the lights come up on this
when the lights come up on this town
when the thing goes down
wanna be found tryin
when the lights come up
wanna be telling the truth

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