I heart daycare, I feel like a hypocrite, and our failing health

It's been too long since I've written about the little stuff. The stuff that seems small but makes life tick.

Daycare Update:

I really love it. I so so so love Ariam's daycare. Moving her was a really good choice, even though it means we have less cash each month.

I admire mothers who stay home. Those SAHM (never knew what that stood for until I became a parent and started reading parenting forums!) who homeschool, and cook amazing meals each night, and keep the house sparkling, and who manage to love on and teach and nurture their children every minute of the day are unbelievable. My heroes.

It's just not me though. This whole stay at home mom thing. I had some daydreams about being a SAHM before Ariam came home. You know, we would just be clean and pretty all day together. The fridge would always replenish itself with carrot sticks and organic milk. We would frolic in green meadows while memorizing the periodic table and playing with each other's hair. There may have been derndle dresses, a guitar, and frocks I sewed by hand from green flowered curtains in said daydream.

Then the daydream turned into a nightmare last summer and fall when I realized that I could not maintain a meaningful career, cook healthy meals, keep up with the laundry, and nurture my clingy toddler. Successfully. In one day. (Let alone run errands, go to doctor's appointments, load the dishwasher, and  handle conference calls from the car.)

Then we found the dream daycare (preceeded by the not so great, average daycare) and ever since I have been able to breathe again.

Not all daycares are the same. And we couldn't afford this one full-time. So I'm not saying that everyone should run out and enroll their toddler in the nearest daycare.

But this one really does meet our needs. This is how I know:

1. Ariam gets excited on "school" mornings. She bounces, she carries her shoes around, and she points at her jacket and screams "CHAK et!!"
2. When asked if she wants to go to school Ariam responds with the sign for "Friends" and says "YAY!"
3. When we get to daycare she knows the routine - how to peek in the front door until it unlocks, which door is hers, where to hang her coat. She doesn't cry or cling anymore.
4. A kiss and then she's off! But when we pick her up at the end of the day she gives a lot of hugs and smiles and is ready to go.
5. Since starting daycare Ariam is gentler, she does like to use the word "mine" a little too often, but she knows how to share. She can take turns. She's more communicative. And after a day at daycare she's nice and tired. In a good way.

The daycare is bright, colorful, clean and full of fun activities. The two workers are consistent and always greet Ariam with hugs and smiles. It is just a good place. I'm so happy and in love with it. We have decided to move her up from 2 days/week to 3 days/week. (More on this later.)

Now, on to feeling like a hypocrite:

Last year I made a bit of a fuss about transracial families who put their children in monkey costumes for Halloween. It just felt....wrong. Too much history there/monkey being used as a term to demean, belittle and hurt for too long to make it all ok and easy now.

I have had a really cute onesie folded up in the drawer for a few months.
Last week I put it on under a sweater and when I picked up Ariam from daycare she had the sweater off and just the onesie showing.
It's a lovely onesie. Puffed sleeved. Two toned aubergine color.
Just one thing. It has a monkey hanging from a tree branch plastered right on the front.

And here is what I've decided.
I don't care. The onesie is cute. I like the color on her. And she doesn't wear monkey themed apparel in general. So there. I've decided that in our city, where we never get strange looks as a trans-racial family, a monkey here and there is just fine.

Now, in other cities, like Washington, DC, I wouldn't even go there. When we traveled in DC in September we got stares from African Americans city wide. I don't think I'd like to open myself up to monkey-themed criticism on top of being a conspicuous family. But here, in our neighborhood, at daycare, oh well. A monkey onesie is not going to hurt anyone. Yep, I feel like a hypocrite. I am outing myself and saying that maybe the November monkey post was a bit over the top.

Finally, a health update. Which will lead into my next post about healthy adoption:

J tore a ligament in his knee on New Year's day. He lay in bed for a week. I was VERY jealous.
He had surgery. I wasn't so jealous.
He is now recovered.
I'm planning on tearing something next.

Cassidy has lung cancer. As you all know.

I have been sick off and on for two months with a recurrent fever, lots of phlegm, and huge amounts of lethargy. Yesterday the doctor finally prounced me medically ill enough to receive drugs.

Ariam's head is "too big." According to medical science. So she has to have an MRI next week.
I personally feel she is just fine and I would know if something were wrong.
She's just very smart. And big headed. And her curls are hard to squish down when they  measure.
Fine, whatever, it's 50 cm and growing. It isn't even on the charts it's so big.
But we'll take the MRI and prove that there is simply a great big brain in there and maybe the doctors will stop bothering us.

End of the updates.
Next post will be on something I've been thinking about for a long time. Healthy adoption/special needs adoption.

~A