Just Too Much

Do you ever feel like you have so much to say that you just don't know where to start?
I feel overwhelmed with everything that's happened since June 1st.

We searched for Ariam's birth family. And we found something. A lot of things. But it wasn't what we expected and it has sort of turned my world upside down. How to write about that while protecting my daughter's privacy?

I watched a mother try to relinquish her 2 year old son with Down's Syndrome. I watched her heart break. How to write about that?

I am uncertain if we can/should/could/would ever adopt from Ethiopia again. How to write about that?

I spent a weekend with other blogging mamas. I giggled in a hotel room until well after my bedtime. It was fantastic. I guess I could write about it, but the first three topics nag at me and prevent me from writing anything happy or flippant

Cassidy is gone and there is a 38 pound furry liver and white hole in our home.

Summer feels like it's halfway over.

Ariam is turning 2. But not really. Because really she's already 2. Easy enough to deal with this year but how to explain that in the future??

We went to the 4th of July picnic at the Ethiopian church in our town. It was amazing. Ariam was amazing. She loves injera. She loves Ethiopians. She loves bouncy houses. It's so much fun to watch her have fun.

Up, down. Up, down. Emotions all over the place.
There's something else kind of big brewing but I think it's another topic I just can't post about until there is some resolution. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks.

And that is my "it's all just too much" post for today. Tell you all, but telling nothing really.
If it weren't for the first couple of topics I'd probably just launch into some nice stories about our summer. So how do you handle that when you absolutely have to blog about something serious but cannot find the words to start?

~A

A Rocky Relationship

The blog and I have been through a rough patch. We haven't been speaking this week.

I've been trying hard not to think about it, while of course it worms it's way into my mind at all times of day and night.

I've wrestled with the 'call of the blog' all week and come to the conclusion that Watershed blog and I are in a complicated relationship.

I expect to come to it with all of my thoughts and feelings, from the mundane "hey, blog, I think I should potty train Ariam this month-your thoughts?" to the complex "hey, blog, what does healthy infant adoption mean anyway? And why is the word healthy pushing all of my buttons these days?" From the intimate "umm...blog...I find myself getting teary at random emails and comments more than I'd like" to the public "Genna celebration next weekend!"

So, I expect to bring these issues to the blog and in return the blog will support me, back me up, support comments, and cooperate when I hit publish.

But my blog broke up with me last month. We'd been together over a year and a half! Suddenly it pulled away. First it was my left column of slaved over photos and widgets. Then it reorganized my owl on a tree limb cartoon at the bottom. Then it hit below the belt - it stopped accepting comments!! COMMENTS! The lifeblood of the blog relationship.

Watershed blog and I broke up. It took a lot of work to restore, what is really a shell, of our former relationship. We're back together, but it is very tentative. I feel reserved. I feel like I could be betrayed again at any moment. I don't know if I am just wasting my time with this relationship and therefore I can't create new widgets, or export my old archive. We've lost our former friends. I sometimes feel like we're getting sideways glances. My guess is that we've been removed from blogrolls - nobody believes we will last!

~A

PS. Ok, on serious note, if you were one of my previous followers and still read here on the new blog site could you just hit follow and start commenting again? I even allow anonymous comments again (please just keep them nice or sign or your name.) I miss you guys! I promise to start writing again. I *may* even add more to the left column if we can make it to February.