The first step is to penetrate the clouds of deceit and distortion and learn the truth about the world,
then to organize and act to change it. That's never been impossible and never been easy. ~Noam Chomsky

Friday, July 8, 2011

Just Too Much

Do you ever feel like you have so much to say that you just don't know where to start?
I feel overwhelmed with everything that's happened since June 1st.

We searched for Ariam's birth family. And we found something. A lot of things. But it wasn't what we expected and it has sort of turned my world upside down. How to write about that while protecting my daughter's privacy?

I watched a mother try to relinquish her 2 year old son with Down's Syndrome. I watched her heart break. How to write about that?

I am uncertain if we can/should/could/would ever adopt from Ethiopia again. How to write about that?

I spent a weekend with other blogging mamas. I giggled in a hotel room until well after my bedtime. It was fantastic. I guess I could write about it, but the first three topics nag at me and prevent me from writing anything happy or flippant

Cassidy is gone and there is a 38 pound furry liver and white hole in our home.

Summer feels like it's halfway over.

Ariam is turning 2. But not really. Because really she's already 2. Easy enough to deal with this year but how to explain that in the future??

We went to the 4th of July picnic at the Ethiopian church in our town. It was amazing. Ariam was amazing. She loves injera. She loves Ethiopians. She loves bouncy houses. It's so much fun to watch her have fun.

Up, down. Up, down. Emotions all over the place.
There's something else kind of big brewing but I think it's another topic I just can't post about until there is some resolution. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks.

And that is my "it's all just too much" post for today. Tell you all, but telling nothing really.
If it weren't for the first couple of topics I'd probably just launch into some nice stories about our summer. So how do you handle that when you absolutely have to blog about something serious but cannot find the words to start?



  1. In answer to your first question - Yes.

    Hang in there. :)

  2. I understand completely! Sending you happiness and love over the interwebs. There are lots of mommas standing with you as we move forward with these very hard questions. (((hugs))

  3. All I can say is I'm right there with you. (I guess I can say more). I say just start writing - even if you never hit publish on some of the topics. It just helps so much to sort out such complicated ideas/experiences by writing about them (at least for me).

  4. I'm right there too. There are all these HUGE things going on and I want to write them out just to have them out but on the other hand...I can't. I just can't. So the tab with blogger stays open while I try to write and nothing comes.

  5. I'm right there with you. Some different topics, but many of the same hard to continue to write when there is so much big going on.

  6. Me again. Guess I have even more to say. Actually, I want to ask a little bit more about the investigation of Ariam's past. Did you go through your agency to do it or use someone else? We are starting an investigation on one of our kids because there was some last minute information we learned during our Embassy trip that left an uneasy question mark that just wouldn't go away. Our agency agreed that it warranted more research and agreed to investigate before we waited the typically required one year post placement. Our other kid was abandoned many years ago so our agency won't do an investigation, but I wonder if it is fair to leave it at that or if we should see what else we might be able to learn. No pressure to respond to all of this (and I'm definitely not looking for any of Ariam's personal information - really just logistics). I can wait for a post, or if you feel like emailing me (dakotacorey at hotmail), or don't respond at all. Either way, try not to let the weight of all these things bog you down. Work through them at your own pace, give yourself a chance to walk away from them once in a while, and they'll probably feel lighter and not so overwhelming down the road.

  7. Oh, yeah. It's been a heavy season, eh? Season of our lives. Geesh--I've never been so despondent in my life about some of these things you mention. Our world is broken and it all matters so much. There's so much hope, yet big, big stuff to explain to our daughters.

    Praying for grace...

  8. You all make me feel so... at peace. It's wonderful to have you. I wish I could just write everything the way I would say it. Unfortunately we all know there are also crazies out there with access to public blogs. Arrrgghh! So frustrating!
    D - did you go through AAI? If so, let's talk privately. I think it is worth trying to investigate BOTH of your children's histories.

  9. Yes, we are also an AAI family. I'd love to talk. Let me know what works best for you.

  10. Yes, I know the feeling. Writing it out is hard for me too. That's why I typically talk it out with other blogger mamas and then blog the easy stuff. Cuz "uh". can get so tough.

  11. keep express yourself so well.

  12. In answer to your question: UMMMMMMMM. YES.

    I think that a lot of us who were waiting together a few years ago are now all going through this next point in the adoption cycle and turns out that it's really hard too, huh? But in so many ways its' harder to write about because it's not just ourselves we're examining.

    Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

    It really helps me to see that I'm not the only one freaking out about a whole bunch of thsi stuff at the moment. Okay, not freaking out, just feeling heavy-hearted.

  13. I feel mildly bad about just shamelessly plugging my blog here BUT there's lots going on and I want you to see!! :)


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