New Year, Fresh Start

You know its been a while when...

you have to type in your entire blog URL because your new computer (the one you bought months ago) doesn't automatically start to load it with the first few words

you can't remember your blogger id or password

you can't even remember how to start a new post!

Today is day 1 of a new year. January 1, 2013.

Last night I held Ariam close and looked in her eyes telling her that she made 2012 the best year of our lives. She laughed. And maybe it was a bit dramatic. But it was true. Through the ups and downs, Ariam brings a light, a fire, a sparkle and a huge sense of happiness, peace and optimism to our home.

So that we won't forget, here are the biggies of 2012:

- Both of us changed jobs early in 2012. I left a job I had been working on for the past five years and began a new long-term consultancy. J settled into his life as a college professor and has never been happier.

Who we pretend to be...

Who we really are...

- At the end of March we traveled to Haiti for a week during J's spring break to meet our son, "Mr. Dimple." It was a very special time with a special baby.

- Travel. We did some. It wasn't up to our pre-parenting level of fun, relaxation or adventure. But it was memorable:

I took Ariam to California in May. (I was facilitator for a workshop at the Christian Alliance for Orphan Summit.)

Aya and Papa (my parents) joined us

We reunited with friends from Ethiopia!

Our small Ethiopia friends taught us to run naked on the beach (this was right before she stripped)!

We had a mommy/daughter beach day and made precious memories.

Ariam received and lost at least 4 pairs of sunglasses in the summer of 2012

J flew home in July to the small city he grew up in on the West Coast. It was an unplanned trip. He was back in his hometown for the funeral of his best friend, Alex. Alex's death was so sudden, so unexpected. It marks the heartbreaking mid-point of our 2012. We miss him every day.

Our best man.

J, Ariam and I went to Minnesota for a week in late summer to see old friends. It was supposed to be a girl's only trip but after Alex's death we decided not to miss opportunities to be together as a family and to see the people we love in person.

Met and fell in love here.

In late summer we celebrated baby brother's first birthday with cupcakes and a song. Ariam added to the growing stack of presents, cards and other artwork she is diligently creating for his arrival home.

Grandpa Jack made Ariam this awesome go cart. She spent late summer/early fall riding it as often as possible.

Gordon the preschool class mascot spent a weekend with us!

I went to London for work and spent a weekend with a dear friend in York. Prayed for miracles at Yorkminster Cathedral. We giggled our evenings away and walked/shopped with diligence during the day.

Was pampered, cocooned and completely loved and taken care of (and laughed until my stomach hurt and I couldn't walk) with this old friend and her hubby in Royal Tunbridge Wells.

Friendship that has taken us from  flip flops and stray dogs in rural Thailand to high heels and scones in England.

The fall was filled with pumpkins and trick or treating and sunshine.

I wish I could freeze them this way/this moment in time forever.

A light up princess crown from England (from Jackie and Ollie) was just the perfect accessory.

We drove to Santa Fe for a beautiful last warm fall weekend in early November.

Our solace. Our place of peace and escape. Closer to nature and closer to God.

Spent Thanksgiving in a small mountain town with wonderful friends and kids who plan to marry and make us beautiful babies. ;)

 - We ended 2012 the way we began it, with an epic 16 hour, 2 dogs, one restless preschooler, road trip to stay with family in Texas. This year it was much improved by the spacious used minivan we were rocking and the wonders of the ipad.

........................

And now I am watching the Rose Bowl parade. Specifically the part where a man coming home from overseas military duty surprises his wife and child on the parade route. My tears dripping on the keyboard.

I think it's safe to say that 2012 has made me hold what I have closer than ever while at the same time reminding me that our human earthly lives are so incredibly fragile and fleeting.

As a family, we have 2 goals for 2013.

1. Be even more diligent about making memories together and spending time with the people we love.

2. Bring home baby brother from Haiti. This girl of ours is so ready to be a big sister.

~ A

THREE is the new two!

July 18th is the day we celebrate Ariam's 3rd birthday.

Birthdates are not always recorded in Ethiopia and birthdays often go uncelebrated, particularly in the rural areas. So we have no way of knowing her actual date of birth. I wonder, sometimes, what she will think of this. This not really knowing. But I have come to a place of peace about it for myself. Millions of people around the world do not know their actual date of birth. While we would love to have known our girl from the minute she entered this world, we didn't. Those first six months is a story only her birthmother knows.

...............................................

The lead up to the celebration was substantial. Ariam's favorite conversation loop revolves around the topic of her birthday.

"When I have a birthday I am going to invite you. And I am going to invite my friends. (Insert a long list of friends' names.) And then I want lemonade at my party. Can we have lemonade? And soda? But is soda a red light food? Maybe we can still have some soda? And water. We need water. And then a cake. Can I have a cake? What color will the frosting be? (Insert rambling description of the colors of frosting she wants.) Will everyone come? How old will I be? I will be FOUR! No FIVE! I am FIVE!" (screaming laughter at her own craaazy joke.)

The birthday loop conversation was so cute at 2.5.

So the big weekend arrived. Family came from out of town. Friends came from far away places like Redstone. My mom and I frosted a lot of cupcakes in multiple frosting colors and styles (as directed by the birthday girl.)

 The  yard was decorated.

Water games and balloons were prepared.

Temporary tattoo station at the ready.

We exterminated for bees (and found at least 15 wasp nests in our eaves.)

And then, despite my screams of of "man your station" to J, my parents and his father, what was supposed to be a multi-station water themed birthday party exploded into a total free for all.

Turns out that 20 preschoolers hopped up on sugar and handed water balloons and water guns are much more powerful than their parental contingent.

Despite the reign of utter chaos, it was just perfect.

While we didn't hire a band, or a clown, or a pony. And we didn't have a giant bouncy house or even a balloon animal "artist." This kind of party still has a financial cost.

I don't imagine it is something most families do every year for their child. Especially larger families.

My mom reminded me a few times that they did not throw big birthday parties for me or for my sister back in the dark ages.

If I thought that it was spoiling Ariam, I wouldn't do it. But if I'm honest with myself, the party is not for her. She'd be just as happy with one friend, a bottle of "red light" soda (red light foods, according to her "Eat Healthy Feel Great" book are those that you should NOT eat or drink, which of course has given them huge amounts of fantasy and mysterious intrigue in her mind), and a can of pink cupcake frosting.

The party is not for her. It is for me. For us. It is a celebration of all that we waited for. All that we waited to be. Every bit of longing I stuff into those party preparations. With every frosted cupcake I am erasing a childless day of my past. Every time we sing happy birthday it is one more year with Ariam, one less year without.

~A

Random bits of early summer

Thank you so much for all of your kind comments about Mr. Dimple. I so don't deserve comments and blog friends after being such a bad blogger for so many months! Please know that I read each of your comments and I am trying to get caught up on your lives too.

That fact is, while I am sad for Mr. Dimple, and it is never easy to get bad news, I also have a lot of hope for him.  Given that there is not much I can do for him until he is ours, we just continue to pray that his heart is resilient.

And life goes on...

The beauty of this time right now is that it is just us three. And we are such a close little family. Ariam is at a fun age. (Fun and frustrating and bossy and hilarious and mischevious and and and..)
Here are some of my favorite recent quotes:

"I love you with BOTH of my hearts!"

"You are my very best friend." (Said to everyone from J and I to the dogs to the drummers at a recent festival.)

"When my baby brother comes home I am going to teach him how to check his emails."

"Are you sad you aren't from Ethiopia?" (Said to us in a moment of pride in her new Ethiopian outfit.)

"We NEED to celebrate Hannukah and Kwanzaa!!" (Inspired by a new Elmo video)

She keeps us on our toes and makes us see the world differently.

We're taking advantage of having just one child who is at an increasingly flexible age. Since celebrating our family anniversary on June 1st (2 years together!) we have eaten tons of injera, danced samba, been hiking in the mountains, participated in Juneteenth celebration, danced even more, and come to Texas to visit Aya and Papa!

~A

PS. Are you all watching Downton Abbey? How did I just discover it? Staying up way too late at night catching up!!

She is 2.5

 I'm snuggled down on the couch, a cooking segment on the Today show. Ariam's play kitchen and baby accessories are spread widely over our new basement family room and she is modeling random items of my clothing.

The dogs are impatient. Talay tore her ACL right before Christmas and is still recovering from surgery. August is 7 months old and under exercised because of the cold.

It's been almost two years since we were matched with "baby Derartu" on March 1, 2010.
Amazing how much a child changes in two years. For J and I, two years doesn't bring a lot of personality or physical change. A few more gray hairs, a few more wrinkles, but we are still recognizable. Ariam is almost unrecognizable, except for her sparkly eyes which I would know anywhere.

She's now 3 feet tall and 30 pounds. Her hair, when stretched, is at least 8 inches long. She prefers her nails painted. She can discuss books and seasons and find Ethiopia on a map. She moved from silence, to "dada" to "JER - come here and get me out of this crib" in the blink of an eye.

As I type Ariam is playing doctor on her baby. She spends much of her imaginative play time caring for others. Heating bottles for her baby and feeding her, giving us imaginary medicine and bandaids on our owies, brushing my hair, or cooking up eggies and chicken nuggets in her toy kitchen. She loves to nurture and help and is consistently kind and empathetic. A few weeks ago when August chewed up my shoe (and I was storming around the house in fury) Ariam followed me around saying "it's ok mommy, I'm sorry. we'll get you another one. it's ok..." in her sweetest softest voice.

She's very verbal. We're constantly amazed by what she absorbs and repeats correctly. Last week her teacher told us that Ariam arrived to school and told them that Daddy took her to Mc.Donald's but wouldn't let her play so she was "very frustrated." She's learning how to talk about her emotions and has less tantrums and breakdowns in general.

Ariam loves people. Names of friends, family, and the grocery store clerks are all very important to her. She knows the name of every baby and child at her daycare and whenever a new person enters her life (or a story) she must know his/her name (and usually the parent's and grandparent's names) immediately.

Sleep is still not her strong suit. We've had several nap fails (but not napping is really not an option in this house) and we went through a period of 2-3 months averaging four wake ups/night. I think Ariam is starting to dream. She's having some night terrors, combined with waking up when she wets her diaper. We've been sleep deprived. But little by little I see it getting better.

Over Thanksgiving Ariam started using the potty. It was amazing. Enough said.

Maybe the biggest change that has taken place since Ariam turned two last July is her growing interest in her story. Once a week I rock her and try to tell her some of the pieces. It's been hard - very hard - knowing how to talk to her about what we know of her life before we met. In our quest to learn the truth about her first family we've been given misinformation more than once. I've learned that the details have to remain fuzzy and that for now the bigger story is all that we can share. Ariam likes to share her story at random times with random people. It usually sounds like this (with very wide eyes) "I was a little baby. I lived with nannies. Then mommy and daddy flew ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE WORLD to come and give me my bottle."

Ariam keeps us laughing constantly. She's outgrown my favorite phrase "I hold you mommy?"But she's moved on to other funny phrases like "No pinching Jesus, right mommy?" (She's very tempted to pinch everyone and everything.)

She is also very obsessed with her (and everybody else's) private parts. She likes to include at least one body part word in every conversation. It goes something like this: "Hey mommy, I want a marshmallow and I saw Andrew's pe.nis at school today."
There are a lot of things I didn't know about raising toddlers. I'm endlessly surprised by how intimate mothering can be. How very little personal body space I'm allowed, how many complex questions have to be answered, how they notice absolutely everything - especially things you try to hide from them and how much personality and strong opinions a child can have by age 2.5. Ariam is already asking us about God and Jesus, about mothers and babies, about body parts, about death, adoption, medicine, J's diabetes, blood sugar, Africa and so much more. She is observant, curious, and chatty beyond belief. With the world's shortest attention span.

I would describe our life as parents as equal parts fascinating, hilarious, and terrifying.

She spends much of her time at home naked or in the process of costume changes.

Ariam desperately wants a baby brother or sister and talks about it all the time. Despite zero encouragement from us, she's been telling her teachers that she's getting a baby really soon. She's not.

Well, not soon soon.........


~A