The first step is to penetrate the clouds of deceit and distortion and learn the truth about the world,
then to organize and act to change it. That's never been impossible and never been easy. ~Noam Chomsky

Saturday, June 16, 2012


I'm here. It's late, I can't sleep, and the usual adoption coping mechanisms of continuously hitting refresh on our creche's photo update facebook page, surfing posts in the Haiti group for tiny bits of adoption news, and chewing my lip to shreds are not working. So. Here I am.

What was I thinking with all of that zen talk? This time around is very different, but no less stressful. With Ariam I worried a lot about *us*. Would we get to be parents? When would it happen? What would it be like? What should her room look like? Would she like us? I suppose in comparison I am zen. I am not worried about us. We'll be fine.

But I am finding that with Mr. Dimple the anxiety is very high because I am so much more worried about *him*. While we enjoy summer in Colorado and our days fly by, he is living without parents. His life without parents will last much longer than Ariam's did because the process to adopt from Haiti takes so much longer than from Ethiopia. Now that I know how much a baby and toddler needs his/her parents, because I have been a parent for 2 years and seen it firsthand, my anxiety is entirely for this little guy.

Tonight we got word that Mr. Dimple is not well. He has some medical needs we knew about. But now he is pulling his hair out. And it didn't even take a g.oogle search for me to know that hair pulling is a sign of stress.

I know exactly what large group care does to children. This shouldn't surprise me. What should surprise me is how little impact institutionalization seems to have had on Ariam. I need to be more realistic that she is the exception and not the rule.

Even the best of institutional care is not natural for a baby - who yearns to be touched and looked at and deeply intimately seen and adored.

Months and months and months are what we have left. HE has so many months before he'll be part of a family. It makes me sick to think about it. Sick and scared.



  1. Sweet baby boy. :(
    (((hugs))) momma.

  2. Oh baby! That breaks my heart... stressed for sure. Hugs from us...

  3. We'll be praying for hard. Jesus, please wrap Your arms around him until Jeremy and Amanda can get there to take over as his parents...Melissa and Justin (and family)

  4. Oh my this makes me ill. too much. too much. Your heart. ache. praying. definitely. for peace in his heart and brain.

  5. ugh. this makes me so sick. I'm so, so sorry for him and for you. i'll pray him home as soon as humanly possible. love to you

  6. Oh Mr. Dimple. Wishing you health and love and swift placement with your waiting family. I know how hard it is to learn of these challenges form afar. We waited 17 months from referral acceptance to taking custody of our son (not in Haiti or ET). During that time we learned of some unexpected health challenges, some of his stress-coping mechanisms and other details that shattered our hearts. Wishing *you* strength mama.

  7. Oh, this is so scary. I'm sorry. Thinking of you guys and Mr. Dimple tonight.

  8. I'm sorry I missed this. I haven't been reading much of anything lately. xo I love you, A. I'm so sorry you're going through all this right now. Really hoping for peace in your heart and more answers soon.

  9. Praying for you guys... that is a scary thing to hear from across the world, knowing how long it will be until you can begin the long hard work of healing with him. Hang in there and know that you are both held by the same loving God today.

  10. Hugs to your beautiful mommy heart & prayers for mr D & all children in care and to their loving caregivers we send strength & peace to all


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