A Day In The Life: Tuesday May 17, 2011

Our day began at 4:30am.
Cries from the room next door.
Only Daddy would do. And so I got to drift in and out of poor early morning sleep. 
At 5:30am the Buttercup (also known as the Doodle also known as Ariam) was deposited in bed with me and we managed to doze, with the aid of the coveted (but supposedly banned) bottle of warm milk, for two more hours.

7:30am
Lots of yawning. Apparently too bright for bare eyes.
We don't speak a lot in the morning. Ariam and I like to greet the morning quietly.

This is our morning conversation:
Me: "Let's get in the high chair."
A: "Eggies."
Me: "Ok, I'll make eggies. Drink some orange juice."

Stimulating huh?
Sometimes we turn on quiet radio. If I remember I drink a cup of Zen tea.


I feed the dogs.

The clock rolls over to 8:00am.

Ariam and I work on finishing her meds and her hair routine. Both accomplished with a little help from E.lmo or Yo Ga.bba Ga.bba. (Love that portable DVD player!)

I critically assess how dry Ariam's hair has become. We love Daddy dearly. But leaving him in charge of hair for four days while I traveled did not produce good results.

  I fly through our normal hair routine: soak with water/spray bottle, use fingers to spread Kinky Curly Knot Today leave in from roots to tips (finger detangling), detangle with more detail using wide tooth comb. Add a style (today two flat twists into two puffs) and use Carol's Daughter Mimosa Hair Honey to add some finger coils for definition.

The dishes begin to procreate like bunnies. Soon they have taken over the sink and counter.
The dishes and I have a come to Jesus moment.
I win. Dishes remain dirty.

This special corner of the couch calls softly and sweetly.
I curl up to quickly check email and order a slew of Darcy's Botanicals hair products for Ariam.

9:00 - 10:00am
The Doodle and I ready ourselves. It isn't pretty. There is chasing, squealing, cajoling, lost shoes, misplaced barrettes, several diaper changes, and pounding on the shower door as I try to take the world's fastest shower.
Somehow we end up strapped into the car. Finally.

With the early morning over, Ariam and I become much nicer versions of ourselves. We sing Indigo Girls and Sara Groves loudly until the peanut gallery begins requesting a twinkle twinkle duet.

We discuss big trucks, red trucks, cars, airplanes, and helicopters on the drive to the mall.
Ari reminds me at regular intervals that she wants to EAT.

10:30am
We arrive at the mall and EAT immediately!

We share Ariam's favorite combo: beans, avocado, rice, and fish mash. Ariam feels very strongly about cutlery but only as an accessory.

11:00-1:00
We shop. Ariam rides in an expensive green cart she begged for. After five minutes she demands to be let out and alternates between wanting to be carried and running wild and free. The cart, however, is very useful for lugging drinks, bags and the giant camera I'm hauling through the mall...

1:00pm
The mall trip was supposed to be lunch, play, and the return of a $7 pack of batteries.
Ice cream is proffered as a peace offering. Ariam forgives me the lengthy mall wandering.

1:00-3:00pm

Naptime part one takes place in the car. Naptime the sequel in the nursery.

3:00pm
The dishes. They are still there. Now growing tentacles.
I order a pair of jeans online and avoid eye contact.

3:30pm
We are running late for immunizations.
Ariam is in a delightful mood. She sings "the doctor the doctor" and chows on grapes and cheese in the backseat. We are only 15 minutes late. I consider it a tremendous success.

We are in. We play with babies. We get shots. There are tears and accusatory looks. But she's still standing.

5:00pm
Arrive home and Daddy is there!! Doing the dishes!!!!

Ariam takes the opportunity to share her sorrow with Daddy regarding the injustice of a lovely trip to the doctor ruined by long scary needles. She cries sorrowfully into his shoulder. I miss the photo because every time I approach with the camera she flails and increases 100% in volume. Daddy is properly sympathetic.

I catch one photo of post-sob play. Note the huge lingering tear.

5:00-6:00pm

Freak rain storm. I put desperately dehydrated plants out to catch a few drops. J and A run garbage to the alley. Fascinating stuff huh?

6:00pm

Starving toddler syndrome + giant foot "owie" (it was her first spliner!) join forces to produce this....

Food is produced post-haste.

A state of the union is held regarding what has (or hasn't) been found in Ariam's diaper over the last 24 hours. Conclusion? A fruit "smoobie" is needed for improved digestive comfort.

It is the best smoobie ever.

6:30pm

With a vastly improved mood, Ariam joined us for dinner on the front porch. It was lovely.

Ariam becomes a dancing frog.

7:00-7:30pm

Bath. Lotion. Books. Cuteness.

7:35pm

The Dishes. They're back.

8:00pm

First wake up from the Doodle. She's angry - telling us all about the owie where she got her shots this afternoon. Ib.uprofen is doled out liberally along with a soothing warm water bottle. (Weren't we banning bottles from the crib?)

8:30pm

I am eyeing the suitcase of gifts packed for friends in Ethiopia. There is a brownie mix calling my name....

~A

Orphans and Vulnerable Children: The Importance of In-Country Care

I should have mentioned this earlier. I'm bad at self-promoting on this blog. But now in a last minute panic I've decided I need to stump for my workshops at this week's Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit VII.

A bit of background:
I am the coordinator of an advocacy campaign called the Faith to Action Initiative. We consist of several member organizations that work for children: Bethany Christian Services, Firelight Foundation, Orphan Outreach, Bright Hope, World Vision and others. I have been coordinating all aspects of outreach for the Initiative for four years. It is a job that has taken me all over Africa, to dozens of orphan care conferences in the U.S. and provided me with the opportunity to build bridges between the Christian adoption/orphan care movement and secular child protection groups like UNICEF. A challenging but incredibly rewarding job. A job that makes me think, forces me to find common denominators, and daily reminds me that meeting the needs of the world's children requires that we think far beyond the scope of individual adoptions, orphanages, or short-term mission trips.

What I'm doing this week:
The annual Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit is taking place here in Louisville this week.
The Faith to Action Initiative (meaning - member orgs/partners and I) are presenting in several workshops.
The Initiative is hosting the following

The Power of Partnership:

How to Effectively Engage the Local Church to Provide Orphan Care in Africa

(Thursday 4:00-5:00pm/hosted by the Faith to Action Initiative)

Journeys of Faith:

U.S. Churches and Their African Partners Share Inspirational

Orphan Care Stories and Lessons Learned about Partnership

(Friday 2:00-3:00pm/hosted by the Faith to Action Initiative

Why you should come to our workshops:

Amazing stories of churches supporting families and their communities to care for orphans.

Principles of practice for churches, individuals, mission teams and student groups wanting to get involved in orphan care. Lessons learned from those who have gone before you.

What to do/what not to do!

Africans. Speaking words of truth from their own communities. Africans speaking about African children. If for no other reason, you should come to the second workshop for this.

I will also be at the Faith to Action Initiative booth distributing both From Faith to Action and Journeys of Faith - resources that are a must read for anyone hoping to help orphans and vulnerable children.

More on both resources next week.

Hope to see you at the Summit!

~A

Sun- Day

85 degrees in the mountains
Clear blue skies
Special gifts
Great church service
First picnic
Cassidy still with us (and still able to enjoy a swim)
Perfect.

~A

I Didn't Prepare For...

I didn't prepare for the way a daughter would watch me, emulate me.
Sometimes I look at Ariam, not yet 22 months old, and wonder how much of her will be her nature alone and how much of her will be my (positive or negative) influence.

There was one sentence that stuck with me from our adoption training (well, hopefully more than one, but there is one that rings in my ears daily) "the most influential role model in a child's life is his/her same-sex parent."

Before the trainer had even put a period on that sentence, J looked at me and whispered "we're asking for a girl!" (Ah, my sweet reluctant husband. Little did he know how much parenting a little girl would turn his world upside down.)

Despite this...warning? preparation? information? I didn't prepare for how early this role-modeling would begin.

A few months ago, Ariam began "helping" me get ready in the bathroom each morning. She likes to open my drawer, pull out mysterious products one by one (glancing up to get my approval for each) and lay them on the toilet seat. Then she watches what I do in the mirror, selects a product she thinks matches whatever I'm using (ie. if I'm brushing on blush she uses a wrapped tampon as a "blush brush" on her own cheeks. If I'm putting on deoderant she uses my empty travel deoderant container and insists it be put on under her shirt!) This is her favorite way to pass a half an hour. She'd play this imitation game all day and often cries when it's time to put everything away and leave the bathroom. It is so sweet and endearing.

I didn't prepare for her ability to observe. Even though I know she likes this bathroom game, I was unprepared for her recent demonstration to me of the "real" use of a tampon! And her attempted wearing of my bra.

Observant little doodle!

She's 22 months. I never considered that she was watching *that* closely!

So I ask you, when is it time for some privacy? Is it time for her to wait outside the bathroom door sometimes? What is the appropriate level of modesty between a mom and her same-sex toddler?
The few times I've showered with Ariam her jaw just about dropped to the tub floor. She wanted to touch, she wanted to learn more body part names. Does that mean she needs to see more or less?!

I've wondered, with children physically born to a mother, is there a certain level of shared intimacy they share that a mother and adopted child do not (can not?) have?  I didn't brea.st feed Ariam. So she's curious about my breas.ts in a way that makes me a little uncomfortable. We have never shared a body. But I don't want her to feel that her body or mine are shameful or weird. Because...well, the whole same-sex role model thing. It means I have to shoulder the bulk of teaching her about bodies and self-confidence and esteem! Lots to think about!

I prepared to teach her how to be gentle with friends and dogs, how to sing along to The Sound of Music, how to care for her hair and skin, the importance of praying before bedtime, and when to say please and thank you.

I didn't prepare for the imitation and the intimacy....

~A